Bad relationship advice is very easy to find. Whether from your great uncle who acts like it’s still 1920 or an internet dating site the purports to have found the secret to snagging ladies, sometimes there is so much bad stuff out there that it’s hard to find any worthwhile advice. In perusing the web, we saw some seemingly good, but ultimately bad advice that we had to set straight. Here are the ten pieces of information we think you might fall for and why they are totally bogus.
- Play Hard to Get—Part of the reason we crave relationships is because it’s reassuring to know that someone other than your mother cares about you. Acting emotionally unavailable just makes you look immature, needy and controlling. Letting someone know you’re into them is a far cry from desperately begging them to take you out, so don’t think being honest makes you necessarily look like a loser.
- Don’t Order Dessert—Mainly an antiquated rule for women applied so as to not look like a pig, any date that has a problem with you enjoying some sweets, sounds pretty sour to us. Be yourself and eat how you normally would—if they have a problem with that, they likely have problems of their own that have nothing to do with you.
- Do Not Express Strong Opinions—Why not? How boring is it to date someone who agrees with everything you say? Or to date someone who replies, “I don’t care” or “you decide” every time a decision arises? Being assertive is not the same as being overbearing. Stating what you think or want reveals your uniqueness. If he or she wanted a timid partner, they would have just bought a blow up doll.
- Don’t Look for Love and it Will Come to You—This is sort of the “a watched pot never boils” of the dating world. I’ve watched a pot, and guess what, it boiled. While some things happen by chance, the majority happen by effort and endeavor. Nothing in life comes that easy, including love.
- Don’t See Him/Her More than X Times a Week—You certainly shouldn’t drop your entire life for someone you like, but there is no harm in spending time with someone you see potential with. After all, the more time you see each other in the first few weeks, the quicker you’ll be able to determine if they’re right for you. Plus, this rule is completely arbitrary—base how much you see someone on how you feel, not what others will think.
- Be Romantic—Someone who tries really hard to be romantic almost never is. Plus, real romance requires a strong connection that may not be there early in a relationship. A sweeping gesture on a second date may do more harm than good. Bringing flowers is OK; serenading your date in public is not.
- Date Three is the Sex Date—Don’t base when you get intimate on numbers; base it on feelings. Sleeping together is a big step and while date three may seem normal to some people, it could also seem very premature to others. There’s really no “norm” or average date that people have sex on—every relationship, person, situation, etc .is unique. No need to abstain from kissing and touching altogether, just let things develop naturally.
- Make Your Date Wait for You—Isn’t it only on television that a roommate or parent answers the door and says so-and-so isn’t ready? Well it should be because making your date uncomfortably hang in your living room while you reapply lip gloss for the seventh time, is extremely rude. Similarly, if you’re picking your date up and running more than ten minutes late, give them a call so that they don’t sit and stare out their window, growing more and more anxious that they’re being stood up.
- The First Kiss is Everything—Anyone who bases compatibility on what’s usually a pretty awkward moment, has seen too many romantic comedies. Wait until you’re more comfortable with each other to judge the kiss. If you feel nothing ten dates in, then it may be time to reevaluate.
- Don’t be Nervous—Easier said than done, don’t worry if you’re a little nervous, it’s totally normal and can be a good thing because it keeps you on your toes and helps you mentally prepare beforehand. A lack of anxiety may signal that you really don’t see true potential in the person you’re meeting up with.
Forget about the dating rules you’ve heard—putting ultimatums in your head will only distract you from really getting to know your date. Act as you would in any other casual relationship based on mutual respect and consideration. The only real rule you need to keep in mind is the Golden one and since you’ve been practicing that since kindergarten you should be a pro by now.
Photo via congochris
