Telling a person you don’t like them is often harder than telling them you do like them. Even if you’ve only been seeing each other for a short time and you let them down easy, they’re still likely to be hurt. Despite it’s uncouthness, as online dating has increased, so has breaking up over email. While it’s certainly an easy out and not the best way to end a relationship, if you’re going to do it, there are a few rules to keep in mind. Read below to avoid handing out a major blow.
KISS (Keep It Simple Stupid)—They don’t need to know everything that has gone through your mind in the decision-to-dump-them process. Providing detail will only open up a conversation on the topic, leaving you right where you started. Say something simple, like, “I don’t see myself committing to you long term because I don’t feel like we connect on a deeper level.”
Be polite—Even if the person was a jerk or did something that turned you off, keep it to yourself and just end the relationship cleanly and on friendly terms. Be upbeat and wish them luck—you never know when you’ll meet them, or an associate of theirs down the line.
Say it in your own words—No one likes to hear a cliché line like “I hope we can still be friends” or “I just broke up with my girlfriend and it’s too soon to date.” Tell the person how you feel, but avoid stock phrases that make them feel like a stock character, as opposed to a real person with feelings.
Be clear—Oftentimes, one person breaks up with another and the breakee doesn’t even know it happened. Don’t leave any possibility for interpretation or give them a false sense of hope. You don’t want your “breakup email” to come off as a “let’s work on things email.”
Don’t try to set them up—This may sound obvious, but in the moments a person feels most guilty, they often offer a concession, like a date with a friend. This is insensitive, patronizing and should end with you getting punched in the face. Rejection alone is enough to deal with.
Be honest—Offer a concise, but genuine assessment of the relationship. Dating is about growing; being honest will help them make their next relationship stronger. Be sure not to put all the fault on them—they’ll feel unfairly attacked and could get spiteful.
Think before you type—If you can’t pinpoint a reason why you want to break up, hold off on sending the email until you do. Give the person the time, thought and respect they deserve so that they can understand your point of view and heal in a healthy manner.
Be certain—Putting someone through the hurt of a breakup should not be taken lightly. The only thing worse than being rejected, is being asked to get back together three days after being rejected. Like the Backstreet Boys advised, “quit playing games with [their] heart.”
If you’re a Sex & The City fan you may remember that Berger broke up with Carrie over post-it note. Sending an email is actually not much better—even the most sensitive email usually comes off cold and dismissive. Even though electronic break-ups are becoming more and more popular, we suggest to meet in person if possible. While it’s harder on you, it’s far easier on them… and they are the ones that are taking the hit in the first place. Despite feeling like you can’t look the person in the eyes, you owe it to them to at least try.
Photo via Brandon Schaeffer
