Knowing whether your date is going well or whether it is a crash and burn is a tough call. That’s why DatingWebsites.org has compiled a group of experts to answer one question to help you become an expert at reading your date’s body language. This will give you the advantage to know whether there will be more dates to come in your future! The question: “What body language would your date give off if the date is going well? What body language would your date give off if it’s not going so well?”
DatingWebsites.org Body Language Expert Panel
- Dr. Patrick Wanis
- Dr. Lillian Glass
- Julie Ferman
- Omer Khan
- Patti Wood
- Graham Stoney
- Janine Driver
- Vincent Harris
- Susan Constantine
Dr. Patrick Wanis: Patrick Wanis PhD is a Human Behavior & Relationship Expert and Celebrity Life Coach. Wanis has developed SRTT therapy (Subconscious Rapid Transformation Technique) and teaches it to other practitioners. Wanis also works with patients at Milestones Ranch Malibu Treatment Center. Wanis’ clientele ranges from celebrities and CEOs to housewives and teenagers. Major news and media outlets worldwide consult Wanis for expert insights and analysis on the topics of sexuality, communication, body language, human motivation, persuasion and women’s issues. CNN.com turned to him for his specialized insights and expertise when Michael Jackson died. Wanis also specializes in unique photo and video analysis to determine the truth about what you and your partner’s body language reveals. http://patrickwanis.com/body-language-analysis-from-video-photo.asp Over five million people have read Wanis’ books in English and Spanish.
See Patrick’s Response Here…
Dr. Lillian Glass: Dr. Lillian Glass, body language expert author of upcoming book Body Language Advantage at website www.drlillianglass.com Known as the ‘First Lady of Communication’ Dr. Glass is one of the world’s most well respected and foremost authorities in the field of Communication. As a renowned Body Language expert she demonstrates her skills in numerous fields. She combines her unique background to educate the public in both an entertaining and compelling manner. As a sought after Media Expert she shares her perspective concerning news events. Dr. Glass has authored over 14 books including the Original Best Seller TOXIC PEOPLE™ where she has lectured worldwide on the topic for decades. She also lectures on Body Language and her book “I know What You’re Thinking” is in every language in the world.
Julie Ferman: Julie Ferman is a personal matchmaker, consultant, dating coach, media personality, professional speaker, and producer of dating industry conferences and events.
Julie founded her personal matchmaking service, Cupid’s Coach in 2001 to dignify and simplify the love search process for selective, relationship-minded professionals. Now a subsidiary of eLove, the company provides localized, national, and high-end personal matchmaking services and a full menu of coaching services to single love seekers throughout California, the U.S., and beyond.
On the Board of Directors of Matchmaking Pro, the International Association of Professional Matchmakers, Julie is a frequent speaker at national/international Internet Dating conferences, and received the Best Matchmaker award from the Internet Dating/Social Networking conference at iDate2010 and 2011.
Julie has been a guest on countless television shows including Good Morning America, The Today Show, Dr. Phil, NBC’s The Match Off, NBC’s Life Moments and Fox News, and we’ve seen her in The Wall Street Journal, The New York Times, The Christian Science Monitor, LA Times, Woman’s World, Westlake Magazine, and the Orange County Business Journal.
Julie met her husband of 21 years through a proactive love search of her own. As fate would have it, husband Gil was the Great Expectations franchisee who sold her the dating service membership she purchased as a 29 year old romantic hopeful. Having found her dating solution, Julie has spent every day since helping singles make that all-important initial connection with the right people. With over 1,100 marriages to her credit, Julie Ferman knows the love business and is eager to share her secrets.
Julie’s Website: www.CupidsCoach.com Phone: 805-371-9557 Email: Julie@CupidsCoach.com
Omer Khan: Omer Khan aka “McMaax” is regarded as a global authority in the area of self, social dynamics and seduction mastery. His credibility comes from years of “Live in field” experience and success in attracting, seducing and dating women of beauty and quality. He is also the Founder of www.maaximumseduction.com, a global outfit which teaches men “Live in fhe field”, meaning by taking them out into real life social venues how to approach, attract, seduce and foster healthy and amazing relationships with women of exceptional beauty and quality using a “fail proof” method known as the Maaximum Method, irrespective of their looks, age or income.
Maaximum Seduction offers “Breakthrough” , Live in field coaching whereby they take you out into real world social environments and show you how to “systematically” and “Step by Step” apply their Maaximum Method to approach, attract and date the most beautiful and highest quality women.
Here is a link to their site
http://www.maaximumseduction.com
See Omer’s Response Here…
Patti Wood: Patti Wood MA, CSP body language expert. WWW.PattiWood.net and Bodylanguagelady@Blogspot.com
See Patti’s Response Here…
Graham Stoney: Graham Stoney is the creator of The Confident Man Project and the author of Confident Man: A step-by-step guide to building self-confidence in men.
Janine Driver: Janine Driver is a New York Times Best-Selling Author of the book, You Say More Than You Think, which was translated and sold in eleven different languages. She is currently working on her next book, You Can’t Lie To Me,due to be out in May; Harper Collins, 2012.
As CEO of the Body Language Institute, she teaches several certification courses on various topics such as The New Body Language Master Certification Course. She also has an upcoming course that will be taught on the Royal Carribbean International Cruise Ship early next year!
Janine is also an international trainer and kenote speaker who playfully provides sales people, professionals, and executives with cutting-edge communication tools (combined with scientific research) on how to win new business, increase sales, improve selection of sales people and sales managers, and generate a significant return on investment. Janine is a popular media guest who’s made appearances on NBC’s Today Show, The Rachael ay Show, an CNN’s Larry King Live. Janine spent fifteen years as a federal law enforcement officer within the United States Department of Justice.
Vincent Harris: Vincent Harris is a Body Language Expert and the author of the bestselling book The Productivity Epiphany. He has been featured in publications such as Esquire Magazine, Women’s World, and is called for his insights into human behavior by The Early Show, MTV, FOX News and others who know Vincent will deliver an accurate and precise analysis. He also delivers cutting edge seminars and works one-on-one with clients from around the world.
Susan Constantine: Susan Constantine is a Body language Expert and runs the site www.silentmessages.com
Dr. Patrick Wanis:
Here are 7 basic signs that say she likes you:
1. Your bodies tend to be mirrors of each other
2. The space between the two of you is less than three feet (known as “personal space”) and she is moving closer to you
3. Her body is angled towards you or she is leaning in towards you
4. Her pupils are dilated ( she is interested, attracted and possibly excited by you)
5. She laughs at your jokes
6. She smiles a lot and has her focus on you
7. She makes flirting gestures – has her wrists open, tosses or strokes her hair, strokes her neck or caresses any part of her body
Here are 7 basic signs that say she does not like you:
1. Your bodies are not mirrors of each other
2. The space between the two of you is three feet (known as “personal space”) and she is moving away from you
3. Her body is angled away from you – her legs are crossed away from you
4. Her arms are crossed (defensiveness, self-protection – she doesn’t feel safe or trust you)
5. She doesn’t laugh at your jokes
6. She looks away constantly and is easily distracted by sounds or constantly checks her cell phone
7. She makes “turned-off gestures” – rolls her eyes (disdain), leans back and away from you, buttons her clothes, pulls down her sweater, dress or skirt to cover her body
Dr. Lillian Glass:
12 Ways Your Date is Going Well
If you date is going well your date is
1. leaning in towards you
2.smiling a lot
3.looking at you
4. asking you lots of questions about yourself
5. their toes are pointed in your direction
6. they laugh with you at your stories at jokes
7. they may fiddle with their hair
8 they may moisten their lips
9. their eyes glisten and pupils are somewhat larger(due to autonomic nervous system reaction when they like you)
10. they compliment you a lot
11. may touch you often
12. their head is up
12 Ways Your date is NOT Going Well
If your date is not going well
1. they won’t look at you directly or keep looking around the room
2. they will be critical, contentious, and judgmental of what you say
3. they will mostly speak about themselves
4. they will speak at you not with you
5. they will pay more attention at their iPhone or other device
6. they will take calls in front of you
7. they will position their bodies away from you.
8. their heels will often be off the ground as though they are ready to leave
9. their toes are pointed in the direction of the exit
10. they won’t initiate conversation and will be curt with answers
11.their arm may be covering their torso
12. shoulders will be rounded and they will look down a lot
Julie Ferman:
What body language would your date give off if the date is going well? You know your date is going well when the person you’re with is: holding eye contact with you, attentively and actively listening, and leaning toward you. When your date touches your hand, shoulder or back, or playfully wipes a breadcrumb off your chin — these are good signs that there’s some chemistry developing.
What body language would your date give off if it’s not going so well? If your date is distracted, eyes wandering, not focused in on you during the conversation, paying more attention to the cell phone, other people in the room or the TV behind you than to you…well….not so good. Leaning away, pulling back, fidgeting, yawning, oh my…not good either.
Omer Khan:
There are two types of communication that take place between two people all the time, verbal and non verbal. The verbal component of communication is the “content” of speech or the spoken word. This makes up about 10% of the communication channel between any two people during an inter-personal interaction.
The other type of communication that takes place between two people and one which makes up 90% of the communication channel is the “non verbal” or rather the “context” of the spoken word. This would consist of the vocal tonality, vocal projection, facial expressions, eye movements, breathing patterns, positioning of legs/arms which underline what is said.
In fact, this is really what tells the “Tale” of what someone is thinking and feeling over anything else.
For instance if someone tells you that they are happy while exhibiting the following body language(sad and droopy eyes, a monotonus facial expression, a weak voice, etc) You will not believe them based on their words but will size up their real emotional state based on their body language.
On the other hand if someone says to you they are Sad while putting on a playful smile, a flirtatious facial expression, speak with a dominant and powerful voice, speak with a flirtatious vocal tonality, then you will not buy that either. You will know how they are really feeling based on their non verbal communication or body language once again.
We can use this fundamental guideline to communication to determine how our date is feeling towards us and to see if she is giving us IOI’s or Indicators of Interest or IOD’s, meaning Indicators of Disinterest.
What are some common body language signs that a woman is into us and not into us?
Well here they are.
The following is a list of Non verbal mannerism which imply a lack of interest on a woman’ s part
1. She doesn’t make eye contact with you when interacting with you.
2 She checks her cell phone for texts/calls
3. She positions her body away from you, rather than facing you
4. She maintains distance from you physically
5. Her vocal tonality is monotonous
6. Her facial expressions are also monotonous and non flirtatious
7. She doesn’t smile
The following is a list of Non verbal mannerism which imply interest on a woman’ s part
1. She exhibits a nice playful, flirtatious smile
2. She looks deep into your eyes when talking with you
3. Both her vocal tonality and facial expressions are flirtatious
4. She positions her body in a way that closes the gap between you and her
5. She faces you
6. She doesn’t break her focus but pays close attention to what you are saying.
7. She will lick her lips and touch her hair.
Patti Wood:
1. The Head Toss and Hair Flick
In this preening gesture the head is flicked back to toss the hair over the shoulders or away from the face. Men’s eyes are designed to go toward movement. In this case it calls attention to the woman’s sexy, shiny hair–a signal of health. The man’s primal response is, “This woman would make healthy babies.” Even women with short hair will toss or flick back their hair. It’s also a way for a woman to subtly show that she cares about how she looks to a man.
2. Wet Lips and Pouting and or Mouth Slightly Open
Opening the mouth calls attention to them and pouting the lips mimics the sexual lips and creates an invitation to enter the lower lips.
When a woman becomes sexually aroused her lips, become larger and redder as they fill with blood. The use of lipstick is an Egyptian invention that is four thousand years old and is intended to mimic the reddened genitals of the sexually aroused female. This explains why, in experiments using photos of women wearing various lipstick colors, men consistently find the bright reds the most attractive and sensual.
3. Self-Touching
When a woman slowly and sensually strokes her thigh, neck, or throat it implies that if a man plays his cards right, he may be able to touch her in these same ways. She is saying I am doing this to me to let you know that you can do this to me. At the same time, her self-touch lets her imagine what it might feel like if the man was initiating the touch, which can be arousing for her and cause more of the sexual attraction changes to take place that make her more attractive to the man.
5. Fondling a Cylindrical Object
Fondling cigarettes, a finger, the stem of a wineglass, a dangling earring, or any phallic-shaped object is an unconscious indication of what may be in the mind. Taking a ring off and on the finger can also be a mental representation of having sex. When a woman does these things, a man is likely to symbolically try to possess her by fondling her cigarette lighter, car keys, or any personal item she has nearby.
6. Exposed Wrists and Palms
An interested woman will gradually expose the smooth, soft underside of her wrists to the potential male partner and will increase the rate she flashes her wrists as her interest grows. The wrist area has long been considered one of the highly erotic areas of the female body because it is one of the more delicate skin areas; it’s uncertain whether this is a learned behavior or is innate, but it certainly operates on an unconscious level. The palms are also usually made visible to the man while she’s speaking. Women who smoke find the wrist-palm exposure simple to do while not smoking by simply holding the palm up beside the shoulder. The Exposed Wrist and Head-Toss gestures are often mimicked by homosexual males who want to take on a feminine appearance.
7. Sideways Glance Over Raised Shoulder
The Raised Shoulder is self-mimicry of the rounded female breasts. With partially drooped eyelids, the woman holds the man’s gaze just long enough for him to notice, then she quickly looks away. This glance produces the feeling of peeping in the woman who does it and being peeped at by the man who receives it.
8. Rolling Hips
For childbearing reasons, women have wider hips than men and have a wider crotch gap between the legs. This means that when a woman walks she has an accentuated roll that highlights her pelvic region. Men can’t walk like this, so it becomes a powerful sex difference signal. It also explains why few women are good runners, because their wider hips make their legs splay out to the sides when they run. Rolling of the hips is one of the subtle female courtship gestures that has been used for centuries in advertising to sell goods and services.
9. Pelvic Tilt
Medical evidence shows that a woman in excellent health and most capable of successfully bearing children has a waist-to-hips ratio of 70%; that is, her waist is 70% the size of her hips. This gives her what’s known as an hourglass figure. Throughout recorded history, this is the body ratio that has proved the most dramatic male attention-grabber. Men begin to lose interest when the ratio exceeds 80% and for most men, the greater or lesser the ratio, the less attentive he will be. He completely loses interest when her ratio reaches 100% but still maintains a level of interest when it drops below 70%. To highlight this ratio she just tilts her pelvis when she stands.
10. Handbag in Close Proximity
Most men have never seen the contents of a woman’s handbag and studies show that most men are afraid even to touch her handbag, let alone open it. A woman’s handbag is a personal item that’s treated by her almost as if it’s an extension of her body and so it becomes a strong signal of intimacy when she puts it close to a man. If she finds him particularly attractive, she may slowly fondle and caress her handbag. She can ask him to pass the handbag or even to retrieve something from it. Placing the handbag near him so he can see it or touch it is a strong signal she’s interested; keeping it away from him indicates emotional distance.
11. The Knee Point
One leg is tucked under the other and points to the person she finds the most interesting. This is a relaxed position, which also takes the formality out of a conversation and gives the opportunity for a fleeting exposure of the thighs.
12. The Shoe Fondle
Dangling the shoe on the end of the foot also indicates a relaxed attitude and has the phallic effect of thrusting the foot in and out of the shoe. This action unsettles many men without them knowing what is happening.
13. The Leg Twine
Most men agree that the Leg Twine is the most appealing sitting position a woman can take. It’s a gesture that women consistently use to draw attention to their legs. One leg is pressed firmly against the other to give the appearance of high muscle tone, which is a condition that the body takes when a person is ready for sexual performance.
Other leg signals used by women include crossing and uncrossing the legs slowly in front of the man and gently stroking the thighs with her hand, indicating a desire to be touched.
Male Interest signals
You may notice this gesture when you’re sitting next to each other at the dinner table or at a bar. It’s subtle and may seem like an accident (for example, you brush shoulders sharing a menu or your knees bump), but may actually calculated contact to gauge your interest. If a guy is on the shy side, this approach seems like a “safe” way to see how you react–if you’re not into it, he won’t lose face if you recoil.
The playful punch.
This grade school move is what guys revert to when they like you but have no clue how to verbalize it (or they’re too nervous to). Men also relate to one another by rough housing, so your date may be trying to establish a bond. A punch between guys in a nonsexual way to say, “We are buddies” so for men it seems a sage way to say they like you.
The forearm graze.
If a man briefly places his touches you on your forearm as he is talking he may be reaching out to make sure he has your attention. He may be worried you’re losing interest and he’s trying to bring you back into the moment. If he touches you on the forearm while your talking it is more likely a sign of interest in you and what you have to say.
The hand on the back.
A guy who gently places his palm on your lower back (to guide you through a crowd, for example) is on his best behavior. He’s trying to make a good impression and let you know that he’s a gentleman. [Patti – this is from another expert, whom we cite below]
Notice how and where he places his hand. Is he gentle rather than possessivlivly gripping your back ? Where does he place his hand, in the sweet spot in the center of the back or lower.
Male disinterest signal
If his hand creeps lower signal of male displeasure, a little pat on the back. Women tend to give a man a pat on the back, when a man they are not attracted to gives them hug. They pat to say to the man, “I am not accepting this hug as a sexual contact.” Or, it could send a stronger message, “Down boy.” Men as well as women, use the pat as a signal there is a lack of sexual interest signal. That does not mean that every pat says, “Let’s call the whole thing off.” But is does sometimes mean you are being admonished subconsciously or treated as a child. Note that the bigger the pat the less intimacy communicated.
Q: “What body language would your date give off if the date is going well? What body language would your date give off if it’s not going so well?”
A: The tell-tale sign that a date is going well is open body language. Body language often gives more signals about what’s really going on in a person’s mind than what they say. If you’re a guy, look out for obvious signs like whether the women you’re with smiles when you speak, laughs at your playful comments, and makes consistent friendly eye contact with you. Also notice whether her posture towards you is open, and whether she plays with her hair. If she reaches out and touches you occasionally, it’s a sign she’s very comfortable around you; even if she’s playfully hitting you with “I can’t believe you said that!”. Most guys play it too safe and conservative when meeting women and if you want her to respond positively, you need to create fun and make her feel good around you; her body language will reflect whether she’s with you or not.
On the other hand, you’ll know it’s not going so well if her posture towards you is closed, she’s giving you the cold shoulder, or she’s glancing around the room as if she can’t wait to get out of there. It’s OK to call her on this playfully; in fact it would be inauthentic to not respond to negative body language or to pretend not to notice. Commenting gives her the opportunity to get back on track with you. She may be unaware of the signals she’s sending when in fact she likes you. She could also just be nervous, so if the conversation has been going well and she’s been asking you about yourself or talking quite freely about herself, just go with the flow and notice if she relaxes and her body language signals become more positive. Also watch your own body language; she may simply be mirroring you, and if your body language lacks openness and confidence you may be making her feel uneasy. The more confident and at ease in yourself you are, the more likely she’ll be at ease too.
Make every effort to be fun, engaging, and make your date feel comfortable around you. Don’t just be a regular guy; go the extra mile and be willing to take risks to create fun and laughter in your conversation with her. Your aim should be to make her enjoy herself, not to get her to like you or to seek her validation. If she persists in giving you dismissive signals both verbally and in her body language, you know it’s time to wind up your date and spend your time with someone more appreciative of what you have to offer. Always remember that you are the prize.
Janine Driver:
Well firstly, one of my favorite things to teach is my “belly button rule.” We tend to point our belly buttons to people who we like, admire and trust. On a date, when we like a person, our belly buttons show it by facing them. The same rule applies if someone is not interested. When we are not enjoying ourselves and wishing we were elsewhere, our bodies tend to unconsciously face a door or an exit. When people face their belly buttons away, they might be giving you a “cold shoulder.” So next time, see if your date’s bellybutton is pointing at you, or pointing at an out, as if preparing to run away! Use your “Navel Intelligence!”
Secondly, check out their other powerzones. We already went over one, the bellybutton. The other two are the neck dimple and what I like to call “the naughy bits.” When we leave our neck dimples open, especially women, it’s usually a sign of confidence. Ladies who cover up their neck dimples with scarves might be insecure. Also when girls cover their neck dimples with their hands, they might be uninterested or wanting to be elsewhere. Keep in mind that whenever one part of our body touches another, it’s as if we’re saying “it’ll be alright, I’ll get through this.”
Now to the naughty bits, Men in particular tend to do “crotch displays.” When a confident man sits in a figure four position with one ankle over the other knee, it’s as if they’re saying, “look what I have to offer!” Ladies should see this as a man who is confident and probably interested!
Then there’s the hair. Women tend to touch and play with their hair in different ways, for different reasons. There’s the flirty hair tousle that women tend to do, However, when you see a woman braiding her hair or picking at their ends, it might imply that they’re bored or uninterested.
Lastly, believe it or not, the direction to which you tilt your head makes you be perceived in different ways! When you tilt your head to the left, you tend to be perceived as more intelligent When you tilt your head to the right, you tend to look more attractive. This is also the way women tend to tilt when they’re feeling flirtatious!
Vincent Harris:
When it comes to knowing whether your date is “into” you, or not, there are nonverbal clues-body language- that will offer anyone a far more accurate way to know what’s really going on. One useful way of thinking about a first date, is that it’s a time when two “liar’s” meet. Think about it; do most people behave the same way around someone they just met, that they would with someone they have been in a relationship with for 5 years, or the way they act when they are home alone? Of course not; we will present ourselves in the best light possible, and then slowly, over time, begin to show the aspects of our behavior we’re not sure how others will respond to. If they don’t throw a fit, we’ll be willing to show even more.
Most of us have been conditioned by parents and loved ones-very early in life-to be polite to others, and not hurt their feelings. Interestingly, we experience a conflict very early on, when our instructions to “be polite” and orders to “never lie” clash in a head-on collision. As most of us know, in many situations, “being polite” will win out over “never lying”, and we will say something nice, or “polite” rather than telling the truth.
Perhaps you’ve experienced the challenges this can create when you are in the dating world, meeting new people, and trying to determine how sincere they are, and how attracted they are to you. Fortunately, when you know what to look for, you can quickly and easily determine whether they think you’re “hot”, or not.
So, let’s take a look at some signs that your date is glad they are with you, and hoping you feel the same way, and, signs that indicate you’ll probably never hear from them again once the date is over.
One of my favorites, not only tells you a lot about how they feel, but in gathering the information you are looking for, you’ll be building rapport, and connecting with them on a far more intimate level. When we are aroused, our pupils will enlarge; not only will they dilate significantly, but there is virtually nothing we can do to stop it. Therefore, the pupils give us unfettered feedback about what someone else is experiencing. The nice thing about this is that in order to notice the size of their pupils, you have to make eye contact with them in a way that say’s “I am really listening to you-I notice you!” If you don’t see enlarged pupils, or perhaps even notice that their pupils are constricted, or smaller, you might want to start thinking about the next person you’ll ask out after this date is over. As an example of how effective this can be, I’ll often have someone think of two people; someone they thinking is very attractive, and someone they can’t stand. Then, over and over again, I’ll say “Think of one or the other” and then tell them exactly which one they were thinking of. With one woman, who initially thought I was just getting “lucky”, I told her 46 straight times who she was thinking of, before she finally said “Wow!”
Has your date briefly touched you on the hand, arm, or shoulder when talking and making a point? If so, you are very likely in good shape. We rarely have the desire to make physical contact with someone we aren’t attracted to, so, when it happens, it’s a clear signal that say’s “I have accepted you” Keep in mind, none of these signs are an indication that things can’t turn and go in the other direction if they encounter something about you that their “Threat detector” finds offensive or threatening, but they do offer a wonderful form feedback about the path you’ve been on up to that point.
One thing you can do to get things rolling during a conversation, is reach over and touch the back of their hand when making a point. You might say something, and finish with “you know what I mean!?” as you simultaneously and lightly touch their hand. As you do, watch their pupils; if they like you, their pupils will most likely swell when you touch them on the hand. If they don’t like you, their pupils will almost certainly get smaller. Hundreds of years ago, gem traders would wear dark colored glasses to conceal their pupils from others. They knew that if they were looking at an emerald or other gem that they really wanted, their pupils would reflect their desire, and they would likely be asked a higher price. One only need watch the high level poker players on ESPN to examples of sunglasses being used to conceal pupils in modern times.
Being able to see the lower half of someone’s body can be very useful, especially in the dating world. Even when people do happen to be paying attention to their own body language signals, and are working to mask body language that might send “impolite” messages, they will almost never have any awareness of what the lower half of their body is doing. For this reason, the legs and feet can be particularly precise in the answers they provide. In short, when we are talking to someone, face to face, whether seated or standing, our feet will be pointing straight towards them if we are interested in them and/or what they are saying.
What about when we’re not interested in them? Often times, you’ll see two people talking in a bar, for example, and from the waist up, all looks good; they are face to face. However, when you look at their feet, you’ll often see one of them with their feet pointing off to the side, or away from the person they are facing with the upper half of their body. This is the more unconscious part of their brain preparing for an escape. So, if your date keeps those toes aimed right at you, they feel probably comfortable enough with you that no “threat” signals have been triggered. This, as you might imagine, is critical; if you trigger their “threat” alarm, you may have to spend all night trying to get them back into their comfort zone, which may, or may not happen.
Of course, there are lots of other things that can let you know how you’re being perceived by your date, and whether they are attracted to you, but you don’t want to try and keep track of too many things at once, or that might end up being one of the reasons why they get a “bad vibe” from you; you won’t be paying attention to what they’re saying, and they’ll sense it. You’re far better off, at least initially, to start with 2-3 things to watch for and notice. This will allow you to be light years ahead of most people when it comes to knowing how your date is feeling, but will leave enough of your attention available to make them feel as special as you’d like to feel.
Vincent Harris
www.VinceHarris.com
Susan Constantine:
The first clue about how well your date is going happens in the moment you first glimpse each other. Watch your date’s eyes. If your date is interested in you at first glance, you will see a flash of his or her eyebrows – a quick, almost imperceptible raising of the eyebrows that says Oh, wow, I wasn’t expecting that.
Yes, men and women both will sneak a peek at your entire physical appearance at some point during the first date. But ladies, take note: a gentleman who is interested in the potential of a long term relationship will demonstrate enough restraint to otherwise keep his eyes above the shoulders.
If the date is going well, you will find that you and your date have synchronized your body positions. Your bodies will align, turning directly toward each other, navel to navel, leaning in.
If your date is listening to you intently, his or her head will tilt in a listening position. You might see him or her unconsciously looking at your lips. That’s a sign that your date is wondering what it would feel like to kiss you.
Watch your date’s vulnerable points: the neck, wrists and ankles. Touching the neck, pushing up the sleeves to reveal the wrists and neck, and men crossing their legs with one ankle on the other knee opens the area up to show confidence, masculinity, and naughty bits. Conversely, keeping the top shirt button closed, crossed arms, and holding his/her body close, are signs of low confidence and guarded. If your date angles shoulders, feet or body towards the exit sign are signs your date is saying he looking for a way out the door.
If you and your date click, you’ll see it as much as feel it: Endorphins kick in that will add sparkle to your eyes. The eyes will dilate, the nose will flare, the skin will flush. Women might give what I call the “Princess Diana look” in which their heads are turned down slightly while their eyes look up. Women will glide their hands up and down their legs, purse their lips in what I call a “lip pump,” kick off the heel of their shoe and swing their leg. Men and women will “strike a pose,” keeping good body posture which shows off their assets. Men will pump out their chests to appear more masculine. And both sexes will groom their bodies by stroking or tossing their hair or adjusting their clothes; women might even pick lint off the man.
And here’s a very important clue that is counter-intuitive. If your date really likes you and hopes for a longer relationship, your date is going to try to behave more reserved than he or she actually feels. No big, open-faced, over-powering greeting. Instead, you’re going to see micro-gestures in the smile, little flickers of happiness.
In some ways, a date that is going badly is more readily apparent. If your date cuts the evening short, eats quickly, looks at his or her watch, or yawns, guess what? This date isn’t going well! Fidgeting, looking at other people, averting the eyes, leaning back, unaligned bodies send up red flags. So does a date whose legs, hips or shoulders are facing the exit.
Reading the silent messages can tell you more than words how to interpret that important first date.
Susan Constantine
Body language Expert
